I have been missing from the blogosphere for the past month and a half because sadly, my mother was in hospital for the duration and after all the tests the diagnosis is lung cancer, fourth stage no less.
My mom is every inch of an amazing 90 years and thus has been around for a pretty long part of my adult life. When someone is with you for such a long time, and has seen your own kids grow into young adults, they become a rather integral part of what defines you. I have gotten so used to her enduring presence that I was lulled into feeling she’d always be there for us.
Suddenly I am thrust into a mood of reflection. Did I take her for granted? Did I let her know how much I love her? And the big one am I ready to let her go? I realize that there is never a right time to let a loved one go.
July/Aug also was months where I had to travel a lot. It’s funny how the Universe throws all these things in our way and I like to think, then sits back and watches to see how we will react. The day after Mom was hospitalized I was winging my way to Shanghai. http://bit.ly/n7UgcX
A few days after I returned I was off to Jakarta, comforted by the knowledge that my ‘troops’, my wife and three kids were there to take up my slack. I am especially proud of my second daughter, Sonia who would drop everything and go sit with her grandma when the rest of us could not.
And it was great in Jakarta as we signed up our third licensee, our first in Indonesia.
Back in KL and while making the daily hospital rounds, I started preparing for DSCOOP, HP’s Singapore event; and then the blow finding out about her cancer; and then to also making the best possible arrangements to ensure Mom’s comfort and nursing care before I left again.
My business coach asked me as my wife and I dashed into her office for our fortnightly session, “How do you stay ‘above the line’, in face of your Mum’s illness? I am myself inspired by you guys!”
I must say that being able to cope has been due in large part to her! One the most powerful techniques I have learned since we joined her also in July, is this idea of being ‘above the line’.
As she puts it, your life is like a line, the lifeline. We all have the choice to either be operating above it or below it. When we are ‘above the line’ we operate or act from a position of strength and we feel like victors. This strength is derived from these three powerful words which also form the acronym OAR.
Ownership, which allows me to own whatever is happening in my life.
Accountable, which allows me to assess and evaluate my results.
Responsible, which allows me to take charge of my future results to be.
Being ‘below the line’ on the other hand is operating or acting from a position of weakness which leads to us feeling like victims. Believe me I am an expert in this area as I do believe most of us are!
Blame, it is always never my fault when things go sour.
Excuses, well what can I say, there are as many excuses as there are people on this planet!
Denial, which is a state of mind which doesn’t even allow me to acknowledge that things aren’t optimum!
To answer her question – I now think of an OAR in my hands helping me sail along every time I feel like my boat is sinking ‘below the line’ and I weigh that image up against a second mental picture of a hospital BED.
This always gets me back up above the line and to staying positive and ‘above the line’.
Oops, I have another success tool to share with my kids.
is the GlassMan
Not so Trivial Detail: Lung Adenocarcinoma is a particularly virulent form of lung cancer and is highly prevalent among women of Asian origin AND is a non smokers cancer… sigh…